Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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