The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
