you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You're breaking my sexual little heart
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
