I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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