Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
