i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
