thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
