I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
