just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize