Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
