we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
