I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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