I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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