Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
