And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
