so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
