I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i wish my penis had a tongue
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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