I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
