How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
