Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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