Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
