One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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