We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
