brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
