Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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