I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
