Porn is love you can see.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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