dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
