Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Randomize
