yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize