you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
