I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i would punch a child for taco bell
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Randomize
