so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
