weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
