The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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