Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
