I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
