Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
