Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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