So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
