She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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