there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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