I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
