I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize