belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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