i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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