I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Randomize
