I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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