How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
