Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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