you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
