Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
