not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
