So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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