white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
