I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
