I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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