so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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