I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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