whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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